My Love Affair With Sushi Knives is Over

As I cut into a bagguette to prepare a sandwich for my tea before training, I reached a point where the consistancy of the bread changed and felt painfully like my own flesh.

I had in fact sliced into the little finger of my left hand. Having never had such an injury inflicted on myself before, I quickly washed the wound, clenched my fist around some kitchen roll and elevated it before running around in pain and confusion.

My thoughts came like a kelydoscope -
"Where the hell is the nearest hospital? Do I even need to go to hospital? How the hell am I going to pay for this? Is that bone? Oh good God, that is bone, isn't it? I feel sick"

I was speaking on Skype to both Rachel and Marcos at the time. Marcos suggested sticking a plaster on it but Rachel went for the hospitalisation route. I chose the path less travelled (round the corner to a clinic) and it made all the difference.

The doctors spoke no English at all - hoorah! While I was pretty sure I understood what they were saying, I wasn't completely certain of some minor details and when they started talking about tendonne and operation I was slightly spooked. Eventually the bandaged my hand and told me I'd have to come back the following morning for a minor operation to repair the tendon.

All the while that this was happening I was trying to sort out insurance details with my parents over the phone. It was not a pleasent evening at all - even aside from the pain. To make things worse I had told my team-mates at USM that I'd be bringing the drinks that evening, so I was deathly afraid that they think I was actually some cheap Scotsman rather than a self-mutilated Irishman.

Owen Cookbook Part 2

In what is sure to become a staple in everyone's diet, I reveal secrets of my steak with pasta...

Ingredients:
Fillet Steak (only €3 here)
Too much Pasta
Pasta Sauce
Balsamic Vinegar (Secret ingredient)
Orange Juice

Marinade the steak in balsamic vinegar. Start cooking the pasta (with salt but never oil) and once that is well under way prepare a frying pan with a little olive oil to flash-fry the steaks to a perfect medium rare. Just as the steaks a sizzling in the pan accidentally engage the child-lock on the hob grinding all cooking to a halt. Attempt desperately to disengage the child-lock but to no avail.

Take the pan of pasta and the steak up to the next floor to finish cooking them. Drain the pasta and add the sauce without rincing the pasta (this apparently mean the pasta absorbs more sauce). Serve the steak on a bed of pasta for four. Bon appetit!

Those of you who have read the previous installment of Owen's Cookbook, may be interested to know that my second attempt at an omelette went a lot better. The reduction in the oil and butter content made for a much more omelette-like result. The only downside was that as a result of my fear of salmonella, the carbon content of the omelette was enough to give me a case of the squits. Almost there...

Owen's Cookbook Part 1

In what I hope will become a regular installment I will share with you my attempts at food preparation.

Whether you are on the go or just fancy a case of the runs, try Owen's First Ever Omelette Surprise.

Ingredients:
Too much Oil
Too much Butter
Too much Milk
3 Eggs
Half a baguette
Peppered Salami
Random Swiss Cheese
Half Litre Orange Juice

Simply whip the eggs into submission adding a bit too much milk and using a fork that you hope is clean that you found lying on the counter. When that's a bit yellow or any other primary colour get a frying pan, again hoping it's reasonably clean and then add too much oil and too much butter to the pan. When that's sizzling away pour the eggy mixture into the frying pan and gasp as it is envelopped in too much oil and butter.

Cook for what seems like an eternity before adding the random salami and random cheese, that you didn't realise was a soft tasteless cheese, to the egg. When your positive it is done. Slop it on a plate, garnish with half a baguette and wash it down with half a litre of Orange juice to ensure the taste is fully gone.

More cooking tips once I get out of the bathroom...