Kitten Rage Haiku

I am the zen master, my chi is focused... A series of haiku based around my experiences with my room-mates cat.

Kitten Rage

Bare foot in something warm
stumble back leaves foot of puke
'Aw poow kittey sick'

Arrive home late night
kitchen roll torn across floor
'Aw kitty been busy'

The faint smell lingers
crunch of pebbles under foot
kitty litter in bathroom

Eating dinner starts
scratching and biting hand
scrapes with shit full claws

Day planned at races
Cat flees apartment, returns
once races are done.

The King Is Dead, Long Live Hypocrisy

Is anyone else as sick about the levels of hypocrisy surrounding MJ's death as me?

Suddenly every idiot on the planet who wasn't even born the last time he released anything more insightful than a particularly musical fart is jumping on their facebook status to claim this man very recently decried as a weirdo was "a god" and "will be sadly missed" etc.

I will acknowledge the man was amazingly commercially successful musician but it does not explain how a man can be so maligned and treated in such a voyeuristic fashion for the last 10 years only for the minute he dies to be hailed as amazing. The same public opinion which seems to have driven the man to apparently starve himself to death is now elevating him to the status of deity.

More to follow...

Brazilian Parkour

Well I can't quite get to sleep while there is a tempest complete with fork-lightning outside my window. What else is there to do except stumble across wonderfully shot Parkour from Sao Paolo. Enjoy!

SAMPARKOUR

The Future Is Here

I can't imagine why this didn't catch on... Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the hover-bike.



I can think of one reason that perhaps lead to the project being abandoned. I could imagine that sitting with a turbine engine between your legs could potentially leave a man infertile after 3 minutes use.

What's Going On?

Well, it's been a while again and even though I have consistently promised to update this blog on a regular basis I have systematically failed in this venture.

My main excuse for this absence, if anyone cared to listen at this stage, is that I've been fairly busy. The international fencing season combined with French domestic circuit and the few Irish competitions that I partake in have kept me out of Paris for all but two or three weekends since the start of January leaving very little time on weekends for rumination on the nature of my adventures and I've been having a few lately. Coupled with this I've found my self once more myred in the life-sucking pit that is full-time employment so my time away from fencing has been preoccupied with earning money to pay for my fencing.

But so much has happened and I've let it pass me by for the most part. I've tried to some extent to make notes myself when I've found interesting things around me but never managed to spew it onto the interweb for no-one to see as was my original intention.

Ireland are Grand-Slam (le Grand Chelem) champions after 61 years, a fact that I celebrated while I was in Budapest, I unfortunately missed the Scotland match because I was at a tournament in Tunisia but back before all that I was racing across the frozen planes of Sweden in a Volvo V70 Convertible on my way to medalling at a very surprising competition. In between all this I've spent mornings sunbathing on rooftops in glorious sunshine after an evening of sampling desserts, only for it to be snowing later, I've seen amazing films and I've seen amazingly bad films. Most recently I was on a flying visit home to Dublin where I won the Irish Nationals for a second time. Through all this, I've written more or less nothing, which is a crying shame.

It seems I've been too busy living life to smell my own navel or at least the time I've had for deep introspection, smelling roses and belly-button gazing has been sufficiently curtailed by my enjoyment of life so that I'm going to have to get more disciplined about making posts on this blog, if I am to make any impact on recording my life at the moment. God knows I have copious notes on my life when times were perhaps at their worst (notes that for the most part will never see the light of day), so I feel I should definitely make an effort to record these times on the up-bounce. With this in mind I'm going to try and make at least one blog entry a week and set some time aside to do this.

So you can hopefully expect more of these posts and more often and of a higher quality or you can expect to hear nothing for months on end but in case anyone reads this and chooses to expect the former, I thank you for your faith.

A+

O*N

Mr. President?

For anyone who wants some choice sound-bites from our favourite bringer of hope and change

Could This Be Our Year?

I can barely bring myself to write this. It's taken me two days to bring myself to perhaps utter in a public domain the thought that must be running through so many Irish men and women's minds... And still I'm not sure if I can bring myself to say it directly. Could this finally be the year where Ireland win the Six Nations?

Oh no, I've said it out-loud! For the last two days I've been afraid to even fully articulate the thought in my head - now, I've definitely jinxed it.

For the last two years that I've been living in Paris I've been waiting for last Saturday's result. At least three times I've had to endure Irish defeats to the XV of France and then face my clubmate's jeering. This was on top of the massacring I would get for my own poor results and served only to compound my embarrassment.

In 2007, Ireland were favourites going into the tournament were playing their historic first match at Croke Park and lost with the last kick of the game as the restart was fumbled and France ran in for a try in the dying seconds. Crushing our Grand Slam ambitions in their infancy. Extra insult to injury was added when we missed out on winning the tournament by a points difference of 4 to France.

In the World Cup in Spetember 2007, we were in the group of death and died. The less said about that tournament the better. This helped to compound a particularly miserable time for me in the Autumn of that year.

And in the Six Nations 2008 we forgot to tackle Vincent Clerc which put shut to that tournament for us before it had begun. Here's a clip of Jonah Lomu showing how it's done -

At least that tournament saw the end of Eddie Hobbs... sorry, I mean Eddie O'Sullivan... as manager and perhaps saw the death of the cult of the personality that had pervaded the team.

So in some ways the ups and downs of my own performance were being mirrored by the shortcomings of the Irish team (albeit in a different sport, at a different level of performance and being far closer to achieving their ultimate goals before exploding in an angry ball of rage and self-doubt brought on by that unidentifiable Irish-Factor which I will return to later).

A Sea-Change?

For for the last 2 years, and for another five before that, I've been watching Irish teams of various forms and at various stages in their attempts to win the Six Nations hitting a brick wall when it came to France. So much so that we invented a trophy for ourselves seemingly in the "Triple Crown" for the team that beat the three other teams between England, Ireland, Scotland and Wales.* It was as if we were saying "Sure we'll never beat France anyway" to me.

One can never be comfortable watching Ireland. The match on Saturday was 80+ minutes of anxiety right up to the final whistle, even through the dying seconds with a 9 point lead. France's repeated line breaks particularly at the beginning of the second half when they began to pay dividends were truly gut-wrenching occasions but again and Ireland's defence tracked back and the vast majority of France's opportunities came to nothing.

Quite simply it was an excellent match, both teams were playing at their absolute utmost level and created an amazing spectacle even from a neutral perspective. All over the park there were outstanding performances and for once this actually paid off. So very often as an Irish fan (and this extends beyond rugby) you see excellent performances that end in narrow defeats. That an Irish athlete will be riding high and in excellent form only for them to be chopped down just as the whole country is paying attention and they crack under the pressure of that collective expectancy.

The Irish Factor

That is perhaps the Irish-Factor. That millisecond of doubt that creeps in... Those few crumbs of the remants of Irish catholic guilt that make us instinctually demand just for perhaps a fleeting moment "Do I deserve this?"... The fossil in the tar-pit of our national psychey that prompts us that perhaps not winning is the natural order of things... That all pervasive sense of subconscious inferiority born coming from a backward little, disorganised island on the edge of civilisation.

Our hope is that maybe an individual, or a group, can someday escape this and that maybe this will pull some of us along with it. It won't be our politicians, and it won't be our business leaders... you know, the ones who perhaps should be giving leadership to our nation... and asking a group of athletes to help the country grow up might be a above there station but it might just get the ball rolling. Nothing breeds success like success afterall.

Perspective

Now as the dust begins to settle, all the talk is of calming down and that this is just the first match - BOD tells us to chill. Kidney as is his want as a great manager and truly classy individual while heaping praise on his players and deflecting it from himself is being sure to instill the virtues of taking each game as it comes (More reaction here).

So while everyone is saying this is just another game, the paradox is that that at once is true and untrue and that only a reflection on the tournament as a whole will prove this. For the players that are playing these games (as any athlete will know) there is only one game to focus on - the next one. For those following this team and has seen them take shape over the best part of a decade and is willing them to succeed on our behalf with every fibre of their body this is just another game... but if we are to look back at this in a few months and this was the start of the road to glory, then I'll never forget this springtime in Paris.





*While the term had existed since 1883 a trophy was only presented for it by Bank of Scotland in 2006. Ireland had won the Triple Crown and Bank of Scotland had just entered the Irish market - mmm, I smell synergy.

All Things Passive, Yet Aggressive

Found this site randomly - http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/. It is a growing tribute to passive-aggressive notes... delightful.

Proper blog post to follow soon, I promise.

Ché

Yesterday, I sat through Steven Soderbergh's Ché - the epic re-telling of two episodes from the life of Ernesto "Ché" Guevara. I'm somewhat sorry to say, as a self-professed Fidelista and an avid-follower of all things Cuban, that this film will almost certainly be doomed to obscurity and will likely be panned by the mainstream media... and somewhat understandably so.

For it's general release the film will be divided into two parts. The first part, "The Argentine" follows Guevara's part in the guerrilla war in Cuba. The second part, "Guerrilla", follows his leadership of the ill-fated revolution in Bolivia which eventually lead to his capture and execution. Enthusiastic to see this take on one of the most iconic individuals of the 20th century, I braved the four-hour version comprising of both films on the anniversary on the 50th anniversary of the liberation of Cuba.

Benicio Del Torres is brilliant in the lead roll and the likeness to Guevara is impress but we learn little of the man from this movie save for that he was a man of unquestionable and unwavering ethics and values. He is stoic and noble at all times no matter what is going on and even in the midst of his asthma attacks commands the unquestioning respect of his men. Dealing with his asthma is perhaps the one interesting insight we get to the man and even then he battles to show no weakness - at no point do we see a particularly human side. 

We are also treated to his dealings with his friends in the first movie which makes it a lot more bearable than the second. His dealings with Fidel, Camilo Cienfuego and others at least give him someone to play off but in the second half no other characters emerge that are of any real interest. This really makes the second part a lot more tedious than the first and knowing how it is going to end, the only question you ask yourself is how much worse can things get before he is captured and shot. Even when this does happen, it isn't particularly dramatic or treated very interestingly and it's more with a sense of relief that you leave the cinema.

The film is shot in HD in a documentary style and the few times there is any action the camera goes all shakey and you have no real sense of what's going on (truly groundbreaking stuff there). I've seen this type of style used to great effect particularly in dealing with the depiction of historical events but all it just doesn't work this time. Whereas in other films I've seen this style makes you feel as you are just peering over someones shoulder as this unfolds before you, as if you were really there. It just becomes frustrating watching these guerillas trek through the jungle followed by some idiot with a camera only for when some piece of action to happen the cretin with the camera falls over. We have no sense of really being there and are left wondering "why is this half-wit filming this from such a poor angle?"

By the by, if the last few paragraphs contained any spoilers for you, then this movie really isn't for you. This leads us to one of it's major flaws - that at once it requires a significant amount of prior knowledge of the life of Ché Guevara but at the same time if you do possess that knowledge it gives you nothing new. While many bio-pics are criticised for historical inaccuracies or the director taking licence with the facts or supposing too much about the historical fugures he is depicting - I'm imagining making Michael Collins being an action hero, for example - this is the very opposite end of the scale. The movie style is hyper-realist it seems as if nothing was put in the movie without it having been described in Guevara's own journal or some other document, the is no interpretation of the facts or for that matter any real emotional content, we are just shown what happens. 

Considering all the fascinating and thought provoking aspects of the Cuban revolution and of all the astounding events through which the life of Ernesto Guevara took him, Soderbergh has chosen to make a film about the mundane and difficult life of a guerilla rather than trying to say anything about his life. Guevera literally wrote the book on guerilla warfare and there is probably more insight to be gained from that publication than this film. If this is an examination of those principles expressed in that book there is nothing to really to imply that at all during the movie and that would only be an effort to hang something on what is a failed piece of film making. Anyway, we see those principles as a glorious success in part one and an abject failure in part two.

If you are to see one of these films see the first one. This is a more interesting chapter of the man's life and with more interesting characters surrounding him and there is some degree of film-making deployed in inter-lacing this trying time with Guevera's address to the UN. The second film, is a mirror-image of the events of the film going completely wrong and seems to barely look away for a second from the downward slog towards his umtimely death. 

So for those who have read histories of Guevara's life we are given an accurate but somewhat cold version of something we have already read and for those who have only a passing interest in the man, they might as well be getting one of the t-shirts with that print on it for all the insight we get into his persona. 

Ooh shiny!

I finally got round to formatting the blog a bit and making it slightly more presentable. Still a ways to go yet but I'm all geared up for a return to sharing my thoughts with the soul-less void that is the internet in the new year, as well as hopefully going back and filling in some of the blanks from the last twelve months.

Stay tuned! I say as if anyone is still reading this...

The Palin Interview I Want To See...

Palin managed to look pretty pathetic against some light-weight American interviewers - little girls who blink too much and old men who didn't want to offend her. Even when Fox had to put words in her mouth she hardly set the world on fire.

There is one man I really want to see interview this Creationist-Believing Anti-Choice Polar-Bear-Hunting Witch-Doctor-Attending moron... This man...

PAXMAN!

How would Palin fair against that type of onslaught? Luckily enough there's a video around that answers that question too... A lotta praayin' for Serra needed doinah...

So Jebus is obviously on Palin's side. So what we'd end up with is a Paxman Vs. Jebus debate...

"Are you the son of God?"
"It is you who say it"
"Excuse me, Mr. Christ you aren't answering the question. Are you the son of God?"
"The Angel of the Lord declared on to Mary and I simply..."
"Well we have a whole book here brimming with fanciful stories, many of them suggesting you are the son of an omnipotent being who created the universe. Are you the son of God and if so, what number am I thinking of?"
"7?"
"I think we'll leave it there, shall we."

Top News - Nasty Storm Hits US, while Nothing Happens At Republican Convention...

...Meanwhile in some non-English speaking countries - everything is F***ed!

Looking through the 24-hour news stations in the past few days they are dominated by the Republican Convention which isn't happening and Hurricane Gustav which isn't really happening. Little fuss was made of course when Gustav was killing a hundred people crossing Cuba and the Caribbean - even then the focus was hyping the hurricane up to be "The storm of the century" that was going to destroy New Orleans again.

So basically nothing is happening, (another tropical storm/hurricane hitting Haiti in the course of one week doesn't apparently count) queue a video of journalists standing outside in New Orleans and surprisingly being blown around a bit - compelling stuff!

Meanwhile, the Indian Monsoon gets a bit of a mention gets an occasional brief mention but the medias main contribution to this seems to be to take up room on the tiny boats being used to evacuate people - it seems like pure idiocy! View for yourself here and I'm sure I saw worse on TV, where the clip actually showed them making a pic- up and the boat nearly getting swamped.

Anyway, the emphasise put on tragedy or even potential tragedy in the developed world over the developing world seems ridiculous to me... that's all. I know I'm hardly breaking new ground here but this week's examples have just been too blatant for me to that I couldn't ignore them.

The Joys of Air Travel

Earlier this week I was drawn into a debate over whether Michael O'Leary is a genius. Anyone who knows me, and/or my history with his airline should be in no doubt as to my stance on this man.

So as I sit in terminal 2F of Charles de Gaulle waiting for my Air France flight to Dublin, I feel once again reassured in my choice to consistently fly with a proper airline.

When I arrived at the terminal I walked past a hour long queue for check-in and went to the business check-in and checked in immediately. I was given a plastic bag to protect my back-pack that I'd checked in and I walked through security with a minimal delay.

I was hungry so I had a few sandwiches while I checked my emails in the business lounge. Now I'm just about to board and I'm reading through the selection of free newspapers that I've picked up.

And what massive premium did I have to pay for flying Air France? €10 at most - screw you Michael O'leary! I'm looking forward to my mediocre sandwich and Perrier on board too!

Update: ...And then i got bumped up to business class - foie gras and champagne all the way. Screw you all, peasants!

Adrienne?

I saw Rocky the other day... no, not the sixth instalment of the films following the life and times of Rocky Balboa, but actually Rocky in person - Sly Stallone. He was as close as you are now to your computer screen reading this... well depending on how far you sit from your screen.

Anyway, there it was the highlight of the Summer so far... oh dear, I need a holiday. I can now declare this season a success though, I feel and move on with renewed hope to the new one.

I won't be fencing at all in August, my first break of over two weeks from fencing since a wrist injury in Autumn 2005. So I feel it is somewhat justified. As I approached the end of the season and the Europeans I was feeling quite burnt-out and was struggling to find form - and eventually this was reflected in my results over the last month or so of the season.

Now the mission is to draw a line under that and start afresh in September, after a serious burst of fitness work over the course of August.

Next season I promise to return to updating this blog regularly aswell - bold words I know - considering there is a huge gap in this blog from around August last year. That was due to extenuating circumstances though, as anyone reading this probably already knows.

Anyway... season over... time to reset... as of the end of this sentence here.

My Mind Working Against Me...

I set my alarm for an unspeakably early time this morning to go for a swim... two alarms in fact and placed them out of reach of my bed.

When the two alarms went off, ten minutes apart, I managed to get up on both occasions and then went immediately back to bed and dreamt that I'd gotten up and gone to the pool. I suppose it's probably a sign I was still too tired. Ah well, off to the gym instead.

How Many More Times?

Yes, it's come to that point again... I'm left pondering once more. Left floundering in the cold bisque of my conscience and wondering how many more times? Yes, how many more times will I ever need to visit Iceland?

I've been trying to organise my travel arrangements for upcoming competitions. I have a particularly busy month in May - Warsaw, Madrid and then Padoa. I bought the flights back in January when they were a bit cheaper but this has caused some anomalies. For example, for some reason I'd booked to fly back to Paris from Warsaw ( a thoroughly boring place) on Monday morning. Luckily enough that flight was changeable so problem the first solved.

In Madrid, I had thought that a friend was to be joining me that weekend. The competition starts on Friday since it is a Grand Prix, so I'd booked from Thursday till Sunday evening. Now it seems I shall be spending a second year wandering around Madrid on Sunday on my own as my "friend" has chosen a holiday with his wife ahead of a weekend with me. What's that all about?

Padoa should be interesting. I fly into Venice as that is the nearest international airport, on Thursday. Get the train to Padoa. Compete Thursday and hopefully Friday. Then get a train back to Venice, wander around the most romantic city on the planet alone (used to this from Paris though). On Monday morning I'll be getting up at around 4.30am to catch my bus to the airport. So spare a thought for this poor international fencer.

...

So that is the rest of my May wrapped up in a little package but what to do with myself in June?

I was considering a return to Iceland for the satellite competition there and there's also a refereeing course on the week after the competition. Back to my old stomping ground where it all began all those years ago - see Geysur and Gulfloss and see how they are getting on and then swing by the Newcastle satellite on the way home. Newcastle though I'm not quite sure about yet.

Anyway, back to searching flights and jobs to pay for them while I'm at it.

Zombie Movie Paris

5am - Mo Nation

They hadn't even opened all the gates to the station when I arrived. Eventually, I found one that was open. As it happened that gate didn't give direct access to the RER; in fact it couldn't have been any further away. Got to walk through all the completely metro platforms though, since the metro isn't even open yet - kind of eerie for a space that is always teeming with people.

Anyway, what am I doing up this early? I'm going home. Why this early? I have no idea. I'm writing this to fill in time while I wait for the RER.

If anyone ever reads this and if they happen to be in Ireland this weekend maybe our paths will cross.

Saionara

Which do I hate more? [Part II]

... this week - Leaners or the EDF?

In the second instalment of the Which do I hate more? I look at two Parisian phenomena which have recently pissed me off.

I'll start with the EDF since that is the easiest to explain. The EDF is the electricity supply board of France. Like every organisation which the French government has any control over directly it is a heaving sweating bile-spewing lump of bureaucracy. Anyway, now and again an embodiment of this organ in the form of a technician has to inspect your meter. Fair enough, standard procedure in any country. I routinely manage to miss these visits though for whatever reason and I thought it was acceptable to fill in the form they leave with the level of the metre and get on with it... but apparently not.

Since I've not had my metre read in a year a technician must call at this hour (which is completely inconvenient to me) and check your metre. If you want to rearrange the appoinment - you'll have to pay! This is three weeks in advance of the appointment and I have to pay €30 when if they could come 30 minutes later than the stated time I'd be fine! Anyway I'll be spending the hours of 14:00 to 18:00 waiting around for the technician on that date. Exciting stuff.

I think the winner of who I hate more is fairly clear though as even as I realised I was coming to the end of my previous point I began to feel a tension across my shoulders thinking about the Leaners.

Imagine if you will a crowded metro carriage in the morning rush-hour. Not completely packed to the point where you are pressed against other but crowded enough so that everyone is standing and fairly close to each other. If there is a sudden jolt of the carriage you'll surely give a should to the sternum of one of your fellow commuters, so most people are holding on to the poles in the middle of the floor for support as this is what they're there for.

Now imagine five people are holding on to this pole when some twat decides that they want to lean on it. Where they are going to crush your hand, press it into their sweaty back or have your fingers moulded into the abundant fatty tissue of their ass. They don't care, they're going to lean on the only source of support in the fricking carriage!

Vainqueur - Leaners!

Special mention has to do to DHL who are really pissing me off right now!

What's been going on in France lately?

April is a relatively quiet month for me in terms of travel anyway, with all my competitions in Paris or it's environs, so I'm taking the opportunity to enjoy Paris a bit and take in the atmosphere of what is still my favourite city in the world.

A war is raging in Paris at the moment, or more accurately in the miles above Paris, as the biting winds, snow flurries, hail and downpours compete with burst of exquisite sunshine and crystal blue skies. It seems though that the Spring and late the Summer will likely win out though and finally I'll be free to walk around in my shorts and sandals like the hippy bum I was born to be. Hoozah!

...

I've been taking intensive French classes in the Alliance Francaise for the last few weeks, an investment I hope will stand to me when I eventually get a proper job in this place. The classes are good and I can feel the jumble of awful grammar that I have in my head starting to unravel and make sense. I've picked up some bad habits in French over the last year of speaking the language but never really studying it, so hopefully this will get me back on the right track.

It's nice to meet new people as well and with the weather starting to improve and relatively light month for competitions this month, I'm sure I'll find time to have some more fun with my classmates.

...

In terms of my training, I've been training intensively in the club but also trying to seriously hit my fitness this month as I've perhaps let it slide slightly over March. I've headed back to the gym and the pool in a big way. Need to buff up a bit before surfing holiday in the Summer anyway.

Last weekend saw the quarter final of the French team championship. I was selected for my clubs second team, a step up from the fourth team last year. In the end, my team ran out fairly easy victors against Chatou - 45 - 25. We have a return leg to fence next weekend on the 19th in their club and then hopefully it will be on to the semi-finals.

Our women's team that fenced that day also claimed a convincing victory against Chatou's women's team but unfortunately our men's first team dropped their match against Orleans in Division 1 and will have to get a victory in Orleans next weekend in order to force the fixture to a decider.

...

Anyway, I hope the sunshine will keep up for the weekend (even if the forecast which is never accurate) is for showers and thunderstorms. At the minute I'm waiting impatiently for a delivery from DHL which I was promised would come between 14:00 and 18:00 [Thanks, DHL!]. One of these days I'm definitely going to update all that I've missed over February and March and then after that I'm going to go back and update everything from August to December (well, maybe not everything).

Dtus!

Angry Morning

I woke up angry this morning.

Not a particularly pleasant state, perhaps induced by not having a big enough dinner last night perhaps by wasting time over the last 24 hours or perhaps by some sort of dream, which I now can't remember. Anyway, here I am awake at 8am and pissed off... what am I going to do with this?

It's tempting to roll over and go back to sleep till 2pm and forgetting about the world for a little while longer but that's probably not the most productive solution. Getting up, getting some breakfast and doing something with my day would probably be the most sensible solution...

Right off I go...